IST Elementary students will join more than 2 million students across the world who have crossed social and racial boundaries on Wednesday, Feb 22, as part of Mix It Up at Lunch Day, an event designed to foster respect and understanding in schools. Mix It Up encourages students to sit with someone new in the cafeteria for just one day.

Mix It Up at Lunch Day encourages students to cross group lines and meet new people. Mix It Up also fosters school spirit and unity, raises awareness about social boundaries and helps students meet different kinds of people.

Best Friends Worst Enemies – Understanding the social lives of children

by Michael Thompson and Catherine O’Neill Grace

I like the style of this book, which is practical and research based whilst also being moving and full of stories. It’s written from the point of view of a child psychologist, school consultant and parent. As a counselor and as a mum, it has helped me answer many questions: Are kids just mean? Why is it so hard to stop children from excluding one another? Why is it difficult for some children to make friends? What makes certain kids so popular? Why is it that some children thrive with a friend or two, others don’t seem to care about popularity, and yet others feel that having a large friendship group is the only route to happiness? In my work-life, I often use this book in conjunction with another called, “Best Friends are Hard to Find – helping your child find, make and keep friends” by Fred Frankel.

Siblings Without Rivalry – How to help your children live together

by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish

This is a book I go back to again and again as a parent, and through my work have recommended to numerous other parents over the years. The authors offer parents many practical strategies for improving sibling relationships. They also suggest how parents can remove obstacles, so that when our children are ready to come together, the way is clear for them. I would choose this book over others on a similar theme because its layout makes it easy to use for quick reference in times of urgent need!

Raising Global Nomads – Parenting abroad in an on-demand world

by Robin Pascoe

Robin Pascoe is a writer by trade, who has raised her children in various places outside of her home country. For me, she provides a parenting road map and paints a realistic picture of the challenges and benefits of bringing-up children internationally. She also puts my mind at rest about the global nomad choices I have made for my children.  Thanks to additional sections from renowned guest contributors like Barbara Schaetti, this book is very comprehensive. If you only read one text about Third Culture Kids, Cross Culture Children, Global Nomads…let it be this one!

Raising Boys

by Steve Biddulph

If ever you get the chance to see him, Biddulph is an inspiring speaker who regularly travels the international circuit. His books are as compelling as his speaking. In this one, he addresses why boys are different to girls and how we can help them become happy, confident and kind during childhood, and well balanced in adulthood.  The book has separate chapters for mums and for dads. It offers practical advice about the three stages of boyhood and how to help make them go smoothly.

My Secret Bully

by Trudy Ludwig

This is a great book to read with your children. It looks at relational aggression and provides clear coping skills and strategies that children understand. Emotional bullying is often dismissed as a normal rite of passage, but research shows it is as harmful as physical aggression, with devastating, long-term effects. In the book name-calling, humiliation, exclusion, and manipulation are some bullying tactics that Monica’s friend Katie employs. Monica learns to face her fears of betrayal and social isolation, and reclaims her power from the bully with the help of a supportive adult (her mother). Helpful tips, discussion questions, and additional resources are listed in the back of the book, which is a wonderful vehicle for parent-child discussion.

5 Minds for the Future

by Howard Gardner

A great book for parents of any age child to read as it looks at how thinking influences decision making for life. Taking his theory of Multiple Intelligences in a new direction, Gardner focuses on how new models of thinking are needed to include ethics or character in our education. Gardner’s five minds – disciplined, synthesizing, creating, respectful and ethical – are not personality types, but ways of thinking available to anyone who invests the time and effort to cultivate them.

1 2 3 Magic

by Dr. Thomas Phelan

My favorite book on child discipline. Addressing the task of child discipline with humour and practicality, this time-tested program provides easy-to-follow steps for disciplining children aged two to twelve without yelling, arguing, or hitting. With the help of this book, parents learn to deal with the six kinds of testing and manipulation, and they discover the 10 steps for building self-esteem in children. This award-winning guide also teaches parents how to handle the disrespectful outbursts of children with reason, patience, and compassion.

Odd Girl Out

by Rachel Simmons

Cliques.  Whispering.  Jealousy.  Gossip.  Just girls being girls.  Or is it?  I chose to be a counselor due, in part, to my interest in girl’s self esteem and the power that relationships play in their lives and self-esteem.  Combining the break-down of self-esteem, (documented in another must-read book Reviving Ophelia by Mary Pipher) with a phenomenon known as girl-bullying, or relational aggression, girls in pre-adolescence are faced with a reality that adults often don’t see, and this reality can have detrimental effects, which have in recent times hit the headlines, talk shows, and news with deadly consequences. Rachel Simmons’ Odd Girl Out exposes some of the realities that girls are facing in their social realm and on-again-off-again friendships that are so destructive and harmful to our girls’ psyches.  She not only paints a realistic picture for parents and teachers, but she offers hope by providing ideas and coping strategies for parents and teachers to help their girls in need.

Nurture Shock

by Po Bronson and Ashley Merriman

This book changed the way I think about children and how I interact with them!  A must-read that will turn your understanding of kids and child-rearing upside-down. The main premise of the book is that many of modern society’s most popular strategies for raising children are in fact backfiring because key points in the science of child development and behavior have been overlooked. Two mistaken assumptions are responsible for current distorted thinking by schools, parents, and education-policy makers: first, things work in children the same way they work in adults and, second, positive traits necessarily oppose and ward off negative behavior. These myths, and others, are addressed in 10 provocative chapters that cover such issues as the inverse power of praise (effort counts more than results); why insufficient sleep adversely affects kids’ capacity to learn; why white parents don’t talk about race; why kids lie; that evaluation methods for giftedness and accompanying programs don’t work; why siblings really fight (to get closer).

How to Talk so Kids Will Listen & How to Listen So Kids Will Talk

by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish

An easy-read that I recommend to parents who complain to me that their kids don’t listen.  What I like about this book is that it is down-to-earth, written by “real” moms with “real” kids in “real” situations.  The authors don’t focus too much on what the problem is, rather, they provide easy-to-implement strategies for normal, rushed, harried parents.  The cartoons, “reminder” pages, and exercises provide tools that you can use immediately.

1. Routine

➢ Step 1: Set up a location to do homework
Quiet, distraction free area with good lighting

➢ Step 2: Create a “homework center”
Materials needed for homework: pencils, paper, timer, crayons, etc.

➢ Step 3: Same time every day; best before dinner
The longer you wait, the more tired your child becomes; best to start homework soon after s/he gets home to keep the momentum going

2. Communication

➢ Know what’s going on in the classroom
➢ Communicate with teacher
➢ Read linkbook and write to the teacher if needed
➢ Check website, blogs or newsletters for school and classroom updates

3. Create a positive family culture

➢ Plan homework schedule around family activities
Alleviate stress by planning the day so homework is neither rushed nor squeezed in

➢ Be mindful of appropriate sleep needs and healthy snacks
A good nights sleep is more important than any homework activity

➢ As you work with your child on homework
• Let them teach you something
• Discuss their ideas
• Celebrate their accomplishments
• Do think alouds as you work with them through problems
• Be supportive and encouraging, avoid criticism and punishment

All students in grades 1 through 5 will soon start Unit 2 of the Second Step Guidance Curriculum. This unit focuses on impulse control and problem solving.

"When is impulse control hard?" "When we are angry!" Grade 5 use tableaux to answer questions about impulse control.

 Impulse control means slowing down and thinking rather than doing the first thing that pops into your head.

Problem solving is a strategy for dealing with problems we face with other people and as individuals.

How can we share? Grade 1 roleplay problem-solving for daily issues!

Calming down techniques are taught to give children the skills to compose themselves so that a given problem can be solved more effectively.

"When you finish the body outline, start putting on the calming down techniques. Perhaps you could write, 'Go for a walk' on the foot......'"

Your children will learn and practice steps for calming down and solving problems. You can help by practicing these new skills at home with your child. For example, reinforcing calming-down skills at home might go something like this:

Your child comes in upset about a younger brother or sister playing with their new toy. You might choose to comment that you can see they are very upset. Then you might suggest they try taking three deep breaths, then counting backwards slowly (with you if they are young) before they decide what to do.

After your child has calmed down, you might then help them practice the Second Step problem-solving steps by having them tell you what the problem is and then thinking of some ideas that might solve it. Then you can help them go through each of their possible solutions and ask: Is it safe? How might people feel about it? Is it fair? Will it work? Once they have chosen what they think is a good solution, suggest they give it  a try. If it works, great! If not, then encourage them to try something else.

You will find copies of the posters Claming Yourself Down and How to Solve Problems at the end of this post. We will be using these posters during Second Step lessons; feel free to post them at home.

In this unit, your child will also practice using such skills as apologizing, ignoring distractions, and dealing with peer pressure. These steps to problem solving are not absolute rules; rather they are guidelines for being safe and fair. If your family uses different steps, do please discuss these with your child.

Please contact the Counseling Team if you have any questions about impulse control, problem solving skills or the Second Step Curriculum

Sincerely,

Nicki Lorenzini (teaching Second Step in grades 1 and 5)

nlorenzini@istafrica.com

Kate Kersey (teaching Second Step in grades 2 and 4)

kkersey@istafrica.com

Glen Blair (teaching Second Step in grade 3)

gbalir@istafrica.com

Our Kinders can answer this question!  They know that there is a difference between tattling and reporting.  Reporting is when a child tells an adult about a problem to help keep others safe.  Children report big problems, which are scary, dangerous, or someone could get hurt.

Tattling is when a child tells an adult about a problem to get another child in trouble, or when children tell adults about small problems, without trying to solve the problem using Kelso’s choices.  All IST students know that if they have used two of Kelso’s choices and the problem still persists, then they know how to tell an adult to get help in solving this problem as it has changed from a small problem into a big problem.

As a conclusion to our unit on Kelso’s choices, the KG classes played a game that showed their understanding of not only how to differentiate big problems from small ones, but also their understanding of Kelso’s choices and how they would choose solutions to match problems.

The game was simple and very fun:  students volunteered to come to the front of the class while the counselor read a scenario of either a big problem or a small problem in which a child either tattles or reports to a teacher about the problem.  Students had to determine whether the scenario was a reporting situation (big problem) or a tattling situation (small problem) by choosing a smiling face or a frowning face.  The most fun part is that students were blindfolded while taping the faces on the board!!

Students then taped smiley faces on the board for reporting situation (smiley face because reporting makes all of us feel safe and good), and sad faces on the board for tattling situations (sad faces because tattling makes teachers and other students feel bad).

If the student felt that it was a tattling situation, they then gave one of Kelso’s choices to solve the problem and said how they would act it out if it was them.